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(Published by Walloh)

I never thought that a song would make me nostalgic for Band Aid 20, never thought that I’d miss the often unintentionally surreal pairings of Dizzee Rascal rapping matched with a Darkness guitar solo, or the slick vocal talents of a peak-period Sugababes matched with whatever it is we liked about Busted in 2004. Band Aid 20 may have given us the beige presence of Dido and Joss Stone, but Band Aid 30 is the bland leading the bland, a ‘Now That’s What I Call Underwhelming!’ compilation of everything that makes you despair for the current music climate.

As a music critic, there is so much on the new Do They Know It’s Christmas? that I would tear to shreds if confronted with it in any other song. It’s the smug and self-satisfied sound of the biggest acts of today phoning it in to gain philanthropy points, performing a song that even with new deracist-ifying lyrics is still an incredibly patronising look at an entire continent. When Bono sings ‘well tonight we’re reaching out and touching you’ (presumably by downloading his touch onto our computers without us asking for it), it’s all I can do to think ‘nah cheers I’m alright thanks, Bono’.

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